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How do you know if someone is a narcissist?

 

​Here’s a checklist from Chapter 1 of my book, Outsmarting Egomaniacs: How to Respond to Narcissists and Master Manipulators. ​

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This checklist does not diagnose anyone. It can’t tell you if a person has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it does indicate if the person is a narcissist. The difference? A narcissist may or may not have a diagnosable disorder but will certainly have narcissistic traits. If the person checks off several items on this list, especially if they cover all or several of the categories listed in bold, safe to say they are some kind of narcissist.
 

They dominate conversations and situations. 

  • Do they talk almost exclusively about themselves? 

  • When you finally do talk about yourself, do they frequent top your story with a better one or immediately bring the conversation back to themselves? 

  • Do they become uncomfortable (and act out) when they are not the center of attention? 

  • Do they frequently butt into plans, change plans they were invited to or insist the plans go their way? 

  • Do they become strangely upset or enraged when things don’t go their way? 

  • Do they expect you to constantly prioritize them over everyone else?

  • Do they control who you talk to and see? Or what you’re allowed to read and watch on TV?  

  • Do they become irrationally jealous of other close relationships and try to restrict your access to them? Or guilt you for spending time with them?   

  • Has their possessive nature led to isolation from the people you used to see more often?

They require excessive admiration.  

  • Do they boast and brag relentlessly? 

  • Do they exaggerate their talents and skills? Maybe even just make shit up? 

  • They are amazing story-tellers, but you wonder what’s real and what’s fiction?  

  • Do they talk excessively about themselves as the star, the hero, the victim or the martyr in almost every story? (Someone else is always the villain!) 

  • Does every story and situation cast them as special, unique, favorable or even extraordinary in some way? 

  • Are they preoccupied with looking better than everyone else? 

  • Are they obsessed with labels like work titles and name-dropping? 

  • Do you find yourself cringing at the flashy nature of their social media pages? 

  • Do they frequently put others down or spread mean gossip? 

  • Do you worry they might make a scene or embarrass you in some way? 

  • Does this person behave like a world-class drama-queen?  

They are self-entitled and must get their way. 

  • Do they expect to receive special treatment? 

  • Do they play the victim in order to get special treatment or attention? 

  • Do they react defensively to fair criticism? 

  • Do they constantly blame others when things go wrong?

  • Do they take advantage of others? 

  • Do they steal? 

  • Do they steal, and then justify their stealing with a narrative about what they deserve? 

  • Do they make unfair demands? 

  • Are they greedy? Do they justify their greed with strange stories about why they deserve what they are taking or what they are after? 

They lack empathy.

  • Is this person a shitty listener? 

  • Does it seem as though they don’t care about your feelings? 

  • Do you feel ignored, neglected or invisible around them?

  • Are they unwilling to see things from your perspective? 

  • Is it difficult to get them to listen to you even when you tell them it’s important? 

  • Do they belittle you?

  • Do they use demeaning sarcasm to put you in your place?

  • Do they laugh or brush you off when you tell them they hurt your feelings? Or label you too insensitive after they’ve been cruel? 

  • Are they consistently self-absorbed at a shockingly high level? 

  • Does it seem impossible to get your needs met in this relationship? 

They manipulate you. 

  • Do you feel pressured or forced to do things you don’t wish to do? 

  • Do you worry that you will be punished for saying no or disagreeing with them? 

  • Do they threaten a consequence if you don’t agree to their demands? 

  • Does it often feel like just agreeing to their demands is easier than starting a battle you can’t win? (with or without a threat) 

  • Do you often suspect that you are being lied to? 

  • Do you intuitively feel like you’re being manipulated or lied to? 

  • Do you worry what might happen if you don’t give them what they want? 

  • Do you worry about what they might say about you to mutual friends, family and others? 

  • Have they insulted you publicly or smeared your reputation on social media? 

  • Have you ever been told that what you know you saw or heard didn’t actually happen? 

  • Do they accuse you of the behavior they are doing themselves? 

  • Do they accuse you of attacking them or harassing them whenever you bring up something they did? 

 

To learn more about narcissistic abuse and manipulation tactics, and what you can do about it, get your copy of Outsmarting Egomaniacs from your favorite bookstore below:  (click a button) 

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If this list resonates for you or reminds you of someone you know, and you're seeking support, schedule a free 15 minute consultation with me by clicking the button below: 

Carla Litto, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #100639

 

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